How do you know if a person with BPD loves you?

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Understanding the complexities of love can be challenging, especially when you are in a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). BPD is a mental health condition that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. One of the core features of BPD is a difficulty in regulating emotions, which can make it hard for people with BPD to have stable and healthy relationships. If you are in a relationship with someone who has BPD, you may find yourself wondering if they truly love you. In this blog post, we will explore how you can know if a person with BPD loves you.

How do you know if a person with BPD loves you?

Reading Between the Lines

People with BPD often have intense and unstable emotions, which can make it difficult for them to express their feelings in a healthy and constructive way. When you are in a relationship with someone with BPD, it is essential to pay attention to their nonverbal cues and read between the lines. They may not always be able to express their love in words, but their actions and behaviors can speak volumes.

The Push-Pull Dynamic

One of the hallmark features of BPD is the push-pull dynamic. This is a pattern of behavior where someone with BPD will alternate between being emotionally close and then emotionally distant from their partner. They may seem to pull away when things are going well, but then come back with a rush of affection. This can be confusing and hurtful for their partner, but it is important to understand that it is not a reflection of how they feel about you.

People with BPD may experience intense fear of abandonment, and the push-pull dynamic can be a way to test their partner’s commitment to the relationship. They may worry that you will leave them, so they push you away to see if you will come back. If you can recognize this pattern and reassure your partner that you are committed to the relationship, it can help to alleviate their fears and strengthen your bond.

The Importance of Validation

Validation is a crucial component of any healthy relationship, but it is especially important when you are in a relationship with someone with BPD. People with BPD may struggle with self-esteem and have a heightened sensitivity to rejection or criticism. This can make it challenging for them to believe that someone truly loves them.

One way to demonstrate your love and support is to provide validation. This means acknowledging and accepting your partner’s feelings and experiences, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. It also means offering words of affirmation and reassurance when your partner is feeling insecure or anxious. By validating your partner’s emotions and experiences, you can help them feel seen, heard, and loved.

The Power of Presence

Another way to show your love and support for someone with BPD is to be present. People with BPD may struggle with feelings of emptiness or loneliness, and having a supportive and loving partner can make a world of difference. When you are present with your partner, you are demonstrating that you value them and that they are important to you.

Being present means being attentive and engaged in your interactions with your partner. It means actively listening and responding to their needs, wants, and concerns. It also means being physically and emotionally available to them, even when it is difficult. By showing up for your partner in this way, you can build a strong foundation of love and trust.

The Role of Boundaries

While it is important to be supportive and present for your partner, it is also important to establish healthy boundaries. People with BPD may struggle with boundaries, and they may have a tendency to merge with their partner or become enmeshed in the relationship. This can be problematic, as it can lead to feelings of loss of self and dependency.

Establishing boundaries means setting limits on what is acceptable and what is not in the relationship. It means communicating your needs and expectations clearly and respectfully, and it means respecting your partner’s boundaries as well. By having clear and healthy boundaries, you can protect the integrity of the relationship and promote a sense of safety and security for both partners.

In a relationship with someone with BPD, it can be challenging to establish boundaries. Your partner may push against them or become upset when you try to set them. It is important to remember that boundaries are not about controlling your partner or punishing them, but about creating a safe and respectful space for both of you to thrive.

The Importance of Self-Care

Finally, when you are in a relationship with someone with BPD, it is important to prioritize your own self-care. It can be easy to become overwhelmed or depleted when you are supporting someone with intense emotions and needs. Taking care of yourself is not only essential for your own well-being, but it can also benefit your relationship.

Self-care means making time for the things that bring you joy and fulfillment, such as hobbies, friendships, or relaxation. It means setting boundaries around your own time and energy, and being mindful of your own emotional needs. By taking care of yourself, you can be a stronger and more supportive partner to your loved one with BPD.


Being in a relationship with someone with BPD can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding and fulfilling. By paying attention to your partner’s nonverbal cues, providing validation, being present, establishing healthy boundaries, and prioritizing your own self-care, you can build a strong and loving relationship. Remember that love looks different for everyone, and that people with BPD are capable of experiencing deep and meaningful connections. By working together and supporting each other, you can create a relationship that is both healthy and fulfilling.

How do you know if a person with BPD loves you?
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